Racism in Fjälkinge gave Elaf strenghth

Elaf Ali was 15 when she understood that she was not alone: that many girls live their lives in Sweden under threats and violence. It was 21st January 2002. On that day Fadime Sahindal was murdered by her father because she had a boyfriend her family refused to accept.

– Our lives were different in many respects, but we lived with the same taboos and Fadime’s father murdered her. Of course I was extremely afraid.

Now Elaf is 32. She was four when she came to Sweden, to Fjälkinge, from Baghdad, where the Gulf War was raging. The family was different from everyone else in the village. Her schoolmates in Fjälkinge made fun of her and called her racist names.

As a child Elaf was not treated in the same way as her classmates. She saw that her brothers were treated differently too. She had her first period when she was ten. After that she was not allowed to take part in swimming lessons. Her teachers did not protest against the wish of her parents.

– Suddenly there were lots of things I wasn’t allowed to do, such as ride at Kristianstadsdagarna. It was only later I understood that it was about preventing me from rupturing my non-existent hymen.

No-one at school asked any questions. The social services asked Elaf if everything was all right, in front of her parents.

– I couldn’t talk about the honour culture at school, and I couldn’t talk about racism with my family at home. There was no-one who could help me.

Through time she started to question all the demands that were made on her. She stopped praying, and answered back to her parents.

– If you think Kristianstad was racist, Fjälkinge was even worse. But I grew strong and was able to break out of the honour culture, simply because I grew up in Fjälkinge. I was surrounded by Swedes, so I compared myself with them.

When Elaf started at C4 upper high school she defended her culture, her religion and her parents. She did everything she could to give the impression that she was free.

At the same time pressure grew on her to get married. That was the first time Elaf spoke to one of her teachers about her problems.

– The teacher advised me to run away from home. My friends said I could stay with them – as if it were as easy as that.

But Elaf felt she had to be strong for the sake of her younger sisters. So she never gave up her fight for freedom.

– I wanted to change my father. I loved him, and knew that he loved me. I understood that he hadn’t chosen this, and I wanted to teach him about Swedish values.

A year after leaing school she was finally allowed to move to Stockholm. The capital city has been her home since than.

– My life began when I moved to Stockholm. That was where I was able to make my own choices for the first time in my life. And after a year in Stockholm I was bold enough to wear shorts and a top for the very first time.

Now Elaf is writing a book about her experiences. She hopes the book will be a support for other young girls in similar situations. But also for schools, the police and the social authorities.

And her parents, who could have benefited from help to become integrated into the Swedish community.

Her struggle has taken a long time. Elaf has paid a high price for raising her voice in public against the honour culture.

– I have relatives who refuse to speak to me and who won’t let their children have any contact with me. But there isn’t any other young person who has grown up in Sweden who says anything about this.